Two post in one day I'm on a roll! Anyway, I'm tired of David, no he didn't call me and upset me like normal, but that's just the thing, he didn't call and so I decided that I don't like him anymore, it might take...a week but I think I'll be ok. Right?
Chris is crying, Monique is complaining and I'm tired.

What a sad cruel life I lead! Today I was terribly bored and had to find entrainment online. That's where I bid my heart out-well watch bidding, look for new books, signed up Simon pulse and went back to my daily routines of hating Jessica Jung. I really don't know why I hate her, I just do. Actually, I think I truly hate because I'm not, like she has this cold presence about her that I wish I had, I don't why, but to me it's cool and I use to harness this feature when I was really young. Anyway, I'm starting to feel a sting, more like a blow, I don't think I'm in love with David, but iI do wish he would call often and that I wouldn't be so mean to him, oh how I wish!
I think maybe he believes that I have mood swings and is sexist because of a few things I say but I can understand a little. Now, my sister is starting to hate me, not my younger sister for I could care less but my older sister, occ. we have fall outs but this one has got to be one of THE DUMBEST FIGHTS we have ever had. It was about her child's pacifier and if she was could control her child well, then she wouldn't need one!

I feel so very torn today, like always. All yesterday, and the days before I heard mother's side of the story, all today and days before I heard my older sister, Monique's side of the story. I wish I could escape this life. My mother is really terrible in away, she makes things dramatic and always wants things to be messed up but my sister monique is ignorant and proud and these all things they must fix. Me...I guess I'm sneaky for today I met David at the park and we walked around, tomorrow I hope to do the same thing but I'm not sure, I'm pretty mad at him, I mean at 5 something in the afternoon I thought I was talking to him on the phone, but then 3 minutes later I heard a man's voice! I think to myself, what's going on?! But they were fishing, and you all the concentration you can get when you're fishing, I would like to fish with sometime. I keep thinking of this boy, but I wish I could for it's not healthy nor good. But he likes me a lot and I like him...not alot though, just as a friend, but when I think to myself in my head I heard myself call him boyfriend, I don't understand this at all! For now, I'll flirt with him but if he asks me to become his girlfriend I will have to decline.
My sister is talking to her husband on the phone and they are discussing living matters, my sister is fed up with my mother and I'm afriad it my turn out to something terrible, again.
I wish I could confine David but everything I say to him could spread around or he could associate with my brother, even though it's my problem.
In other news, I was blindless bidding on ebay with my paycheck money and am are up to 57 dollars in debt! I should stop but I must by the Royal Diaries series lot of book, it's really a bargin you know. I sadly, lost the green mortha at a last minute bid, curse the person who won, they probably don't even know what or how to use it, they probably just want to add to their childish collection

Love? Like? Crush? Love object?
Which is which? I currently like a guy named David, he likes he back, hard and I'm confused. Once two people who like each other a lot go out together what do they do? We don't go out and I want to go out with him but I want to respect my mom's wishes of not dating a guy until I'm 16. This is weird for this person is my brother's friend. I really hate part the most, he's my brother's friend, and so my brother will take and make any opurinty to break us, when we "flirt". I love the guy, he's really funny and cute...and oh, maybe shouldn't write this stuff or one my family members will see and taunt me! But the guy is perfect: Taller than me, somewhat smart, funny, super cute, and also romantic. And that's what I want a guy, but I'm just missing one little thing, he must be older than me, which this boy is not, he's 14 and in the 9th grade, I feel so dirty! Also, he's a little on the big side, but I love it, nonetheless, size doesn't matter. To say the very least, I think this might be my first real real crush. I'm acting mean to him, I only do this when I like a guys, but he doesn't seem to mine it, he must be saint.
In other news, I'm starting a tcg named Golden Fishery, it's a cool site, still in the making and I need new cards, my temp is too small.

I must remember to remove this site off my sister's computer. Why? Have I ever told you about the day she stole my diary and read it aloud. My own personal,private diary! The whole reading thing didn't bother so much-now, but then it did. But the thing that still ticks me off, until this day is that she said I cursed in it. I mean I didn't even curse! At that age I did know what curse words were and...maybe said them around my friends-but they were the ones who told me about them and encouraged me to say them, I never dreamt of saying them around my family,though, they told me not too and plus they sounded nasty on the tongue. So now, if you ask if I cursed ever in my life, I might lie and say "never" or "no" but really I have. Did I mention that today at "work", you can't even call it work because all we do is sit there in the park, but that's ok with me. Free money!
I was talking to admin about what the girls had about her. I thought she should have at least have the right to know, but this is how my 6th grade yr turned out, today they also said more about her but I won't tell her -only because I want to say her from embarssement and torture and also save the girls from a terrible death. Anyway, she said the way I talk is weird, she mentioned this twice. Today she asked if I was a preme, I said no, have you not looked at my size! And yesterday, I was telling her how because of my light coloring people think I half african american/cauasian or hispanic. She said she could tell by the way I talked, for I don't speak like her. I don't know what that means.
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I went to see my korean teacher today and she was no where to be found.
Some random thoughts for you:
*I want my old appetit back
*Me and sister were walking through the rain today
*I hate going to work
*I'm full, finally the 1st in many days
*I'm addicted to peanut butter, but I don't know now
*The internet timed out for a few minutes.
*I'm reading the book bad girls don't die and the diary of anne frank
*I never finished A great and terrible beauty.
*Blogger never got my 3rd entry.

I wrote a short poem:

I went to my first job today,
It was boring at hecklings,
did my sister's college homework and took quiz,
I got a 85/100 on the quiz,
I had to bear bugs blurring all around me,
No time to read,
No time to complete TCG,
Had to listen to father's BS
Got called a Retard B***h

End poem.

It seems like everyday I'm struggling with this women, one minute it could be about me and sister arguing and then the next minute it could be about how I don't respect my father. Today, it was about stop acting like a baby in front of restaurant workers. The story for this scenario was that some(2) boys that I didn't even like or were flirting with rung up my order and said it was $200 dollars when really it was $6.50 that meant they were flirting with me by trying to be funny and all. Then after were waiting and the guy is like order #?? and I look at the bag, it's ours,naturally, and my starting yelling at me to read the number on the receipt. When I knew it was our food, I mean come on, she even looked in the bag herself and saw it was our food, she was just being a freaking bully, and it had to be our food because no one else was there! She's always talking about how she doesn't want me to end up like my aunt with no kids or a husband, but by the looks of things she wants me to end up just like her.
I swear hate that old bitty! And now, I was just kicked out my sister's nice smelling room and back into my smelly room. And why is it smelly? Because of my brother, I tell him to turn off the air conditioner but no he turns it on and keeps it on for the whole freaking day and the air from the air conditioner leaked into the mattress and now the whole room smells bad. Why? Because I need a new mattress. Just because you put baking soda or what the heck you put on it doesn't change a freaking thing! Stop being freaking cheap and buy your a daughter a new freaking mattress!

I haven't updated Koi no Hana in a while, but oh well. I'm thinking of putting it on hiatus for a while then just tending to this blog.
The other day, I'm not sure if she saw or not, but let's just say she saw, on my desktop one of my favorite Jpop male singers with no shirt on and just in a shirt with a blue towel on. How did that picture get on my computer. Beats me. And even if I did know how it got on my desktop I wouldn't repeat. Who saw it? I think my sister...I think, she came here looking to get her paper for a class-or something. And this is why she shouldn't save things on my computer.
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Human beings can be so greedy! I was just watching some game show on Cartoon Network. Funny, it's called Cartoon Network but you see real people acting on game shows,ghost hunts and destroying things they didn't even really built.
So, anyway, I see this girl with blond hair and the host some weird random guy who wears a bored/angry expression every now and then-basically I think he's "etchy-sketchy", like the word, I came up with it this morning, it means someone who looks suspicious or funny. So anyway the guy asks the guy, "Do you want to double your money?" she anxiously says "yes" without even thinking. All she cared about was getting the money. She already had $1120 or 1150 dollars. I would have took the money, but no. And so she got most of the question wrong and was left with $550 dollars.

I thought a lot about today. Seeing as how it's now 2:03 AM and I have not still went to bed for I've slept earlier I have to think.
I want to get started on talking about my father. I looked up his horoscope and it's stats many time so I think they're both compatible (I mean him and his astrological sign). They say he is childish,self centered and also mean. I could not agree more. I could not think of any good things about Geminis so I had to go online and look them up and I found: good listener, accepting and fun loving. The only thing I can agree on is the fun loving in this case. It seems like he likes to have fun with his bf,Antonio. I would like to talk to him some day, but I just can't bring me-myself to actually forgive him. Too much as happened. But I am on the verge or forgiving him. Why sudden change of heart? Because my said if I do not forgive and forget, I will not be blessed by god. And I really do want to be blessed by god. Actually, there's a many things I want in my life to ask god (these are favors and at times I feel down right selfish for asking,but I ask with hope he listens). Well, my sister is trying to sleep, I'll write later.

There is no way around it. I can't go to bed. And I've been trying to avoid this a lot recently, but it gives none. I'm bombarded with many things.
Here are so examples:
*My Korean lessons (even though they are over, as of last Sunday)
*I want to learn Japanese but don't have the time.
*I say I don't have the time for many things when I do have the time, I just spend my days reading or sleeping or helping my mom out in the office.
*I'm lazy, I use to think this was a good thing, just so I could add a quality to my personality list but now it's not working. I don't want to be lazy anymore.
*I'm turning into a big KAT-TUN fan and no long want anything to do with arashi, this is bad for I love Arashi.
*I can't sleep for I have terrible dreams of...bad things,is all I can say!
*I have a new idol Maya Miki (not really a problem, but hey.)
The one bold or italics are my big troubles.